Blended Families: Nurturing The Bonds

Michelle Wilson - September 18, 2019

The whole point of the internet was to bring the world together, and boy did it. One of the most popular ways people use the internet is to find a new special someone to spend their lives with. They do this through social media as well as more pointed dating websites.

Maybe you’ve found someone you really like, and your relationship is really starting to bud. You can really see them as a permanent fixture in your life. The only problem is; your child doesn’t agree.

Children are without a doubt the greatest and most important loves of our lives. So it’s a difficult thing to deal with when your child doesn’t share your fondness of your new partner. These feelings bring tension into just about every situation and really start making you question your own feelings towards this new relationship. After all maybe you are just seeing things through rose colored glasses, right? Maybe your kid sees what you do not!

Children Can Have Trouble Adapting

Studies have shown that children who act hostile towards a new parental figure has a lot to do with their loyalties to the original parent. Here are a few behaviors to look for:

• CRITICIZM –

  Your child may act out with overt criticism towards your new partner.

• NEGATIVITY –

  They may display moods of negativity and often unreasonable.

• COMPARISONS –

  They will often idealize your ex while showing contempt and anger towards your new partner.

• UNAFFECTOINATE –

  They will often refuse to show affection in any way as they feel it is disloyal to your ex.

• DEFENSIVE –

  They will feel as though they constantly have to defend your ex or take their side.

There are many reasons that these behaviors may present themselves so it is time to really take on a grown up roll here. You should really have an honest conversation with both your ex as well as with your new partner.

Children inherently feel as though nobody will ever love them as much or like their parents do. It’s pretty understandable. As such they may feel that your new partner is less than sincere with his/her affections, and will likely push back against these new affections. Your new partner may feel discouraged by this but it is important to remind them that it is completely normal and they shouldn’t take it personally.

Warning Signs

Inversely there is a chance (a pretty good one unfortunately) that your ex is throwing shade on your new love. You and your ex really need to be in agreement here. Your child is not an appropriate sounding board for your ex’s feelings on the subject. They should find a friend or seek therapy for their issues, your child is neither one of those things.

For these issues you should probably consider a family therapist to discuss your specific issues and work it out in a healthy environment. However there is another possibility all together.

You should also be prepared for the reality that your child simply just does not like the person your new partner is. Maybe this new partner IS in fact insincere with their affections, or is completely negative towards your child and is just faking it around you when you’re around.

If that’s the case the issues are much bigger than anticipated. If something just doesn’t seem right with this person you should probably go with your gut feeling. After all you have a child and you are not only bringing this person into your life but also theirs. Consider that this person puts on a front for you, because they want you specifically to like them, or because they are hiding something about themselves. In either scenario you better get to know this person on a deeper level pretty quickly. For that we recommend you do a Background Check using CheckPeople. You’ll get an in-depth look at this person’s history including past addresses, phone numbers, associated family members and those with whom they may have shared a home. You’ll see employment history and a criminal history if there is one. Armed with this knowledge you will easily be able to identify if their stories seem to match up with what they have told you about themselves.

The last thing you need is another person in and out of your child’s life because you tried to force something that shouldn’t be.