You Finally Found Them But Dont Act Too Quickly
Linda Collins - May 31, 2019
You finally did it after 17 long years of wondering. Your older brother has been found. When he dropped out of college, you were a senior in high school. He sent your family a short apology letter–and then just vanished. You were angry with your parents, but you were heartbroken. Then you ran another search just yesterday searching (expecting to be still frustrated as before). Whaddya know, his name was there! After all this time, it felt like a miracle. After receiving a search report, you discovered that he is living away only one state and is now hitched. Even an address and phone number were included in the report, which you instantly noted. You’re prepared to jump in your car and visit him. Why wait to reconnect any longer?
Before you reach out…
Wanting to reach out is only natural. Immediately when you’re in a situation like this. With your discovery, you are understandably excited Eager to be in touch, particularly if you’ve been searching for a long time.
But before you take any action, it is essential to try to put yourself in their shoes. This is a challenging thing to do if you know nothing about their current life or What have they been up to since you communicated the last time. Nevertheless, you can understand that you should respect their privacy.
Naturally, every situation is unique. The person concerned might be a former classmate you argued with or a childhood friend who moved to the city years ago. They could be a sweetheart from high school or an old school friend you’ve always harbored deep romantic feelings for. They might be an alienated member of the family or a relative that you just revealed through a DNA test.
The process of attempting to connect must be undertaken with sensitivity in each case. You should also seriously think about why you want to get in touch and what you hope to gain from doing so realistically. Here are some cautionary suggestions with that in mind.
Don’t put them on the spot
Most crucially, perhaps, don’t appear unscheduled. Do not visit the home, place of work or even a block from the person. This also means not calling or writing from the end of the street, saying, “Would you like to see me??”Although you may think you’re going to be warmly welcomed (or at least a significant smile), there’s no way to know the frame of mind of a person. Maybe they’re still upset. They could have something very exhausting to deal with. Or perhaps they despise surprises.
Also, a phone call may not be the most reliable initial interaction. Although most people today let unacquainted numbers go to voice mail, you’ll make them feel You’re going to make them feel like they’re in a very awkward situation if the person picks up. No one wants to be put on the spot. If you have a phone number and you are interested in reaching out, be very considerate and short about the call. But we recommend that you send a note instead if you have an address.
Keep it brief
You must steer away from mailing an emotional multi-page letter when talking. You might have a lot more to say as well as a lot of emotions to convey but try once more to think about things from their perspective. Sure, they’d be delighted to hear from you in a perfect world. But they will be left feeling much more likely: 1) upset, 2) dismayed, or 3) perplexed. Keep the stuff short.
Give the person time once you have sent your initial (brief) message. They’ll reach out if they want to reconnect. But if they choose not to do so, you have to respect their decision. (And you wouldn’t be like a stalker.)
Mainly if your reconnecting motivation is romantic, you may have to change your approach a little bit. Although there are plenty of rom-coms and books about long-lost loves to find someone after decades apart and to happily ever after, this kind of thing in real life does not happen almost as often. (There is also a reason why these news reports get so much publicity when you hear about them!) The individual may be happy to be married or may no longer feel like you. They may not even recall you, depending on the circumstances. (This might be a devastating thing, but it does happen.)
Finally, please respect the privacy of the person. Just because you’ve located their address or phone number, it doesn’t mean sharing that information with others is okay. It is a sensitive undertaking to reconnect. Make sure that you do so with respect and for the right reasons.
Browse the CheckPeople blog for more ideas about how to use people search engines more effectively in your long-last family investigations, as well as other searches.